Why Straight Pride Isn't a Thing

As this month many people celebrate LGBT+ Pride month you occasionally get the question of why "they" get one and "we" don't. "Where is our straight pride parade?" you see written upon Facebook. Now I get the sentiment, I really do. I'm a straight, white, male. We don't get parades or months. History will tell we've gotten pretty much everything else of course, but I get why sometimes you feel like being you is not getting celebrated. It's an odd feeling of being...left out.

I remember years ago my adopted father getting a phone message from someone from church asking why our church was celebrating Black History Month in February and where is our German History Month and after hearing the message he said in frustration to the answering machine "Because we didn't enslave, segregate, or undermine the history of the Germans!"

And the same goes for us who are straight. 

As I think about this, one image pops in my head: AIDS Walk Wisconsin. For years I used to do the AIDS Walk Wisconsin in Milwaukee. And one of the things I still remember was the lineup of protesters. As we walked in solidarity, as we walked in awareness, as we walked in the memory of those we lost, as we walked in hope that one day there would be a cure we always had to pass the line of those protesting. Protesting our walk for these things. Protesting because in some way they were certain that AIDS was the righteous curse. Most were religious. Some may have been well meaning. Some may have done it in genuine, religious zeal and with genuine concern for us. Many did it in hate. You don't get to yell curses, damnation, and rude statements to ten-year-old girls walking and call it love of neighbor. 

Nor do you get to disown your kid and call it that.

Or beat up a couple walking out of a bar.

Or shoot up a night club.

Or utter anti-gay words.

Or withhold from someone the compassion you showed before they came out to you.

I remember the line of protesters. I remember the theologies that AIDS was just God's great curse upon homosexuality. I guess everyone else who got it was just a casualty of the Lord's crusade against the gays. I guess for some reason, the Lord decided, the time had finally come to do something about these people who have always been around. I guess God thought this sin was so much worse than the others that the wages of death was not enough. He needed to throw down his microscopic lightning bolts of wrath. 

I remember those signs. And I remember how hurtful they were, and I think about how in the end they were not directed at me, but at the gay people who walked with me and who I walked with at AIDS Walk Wisconsin. 

One thing about Pride month (at least from my vantage) is it involves pride in those who have risked and often suffered to identify as LGBT+. We don't have a straight pride because we never needed to take the big step and come out as straight, or worry what people will think if we tell them we're straight. We have not been discussed (often tactlessly) in politics, religion, and family meals as issues more than people. I've never heard of someone committing suicide because they couldn't handle being straight. We have not risked, suffered, or been afraid. We don't need pride to help our self-esteem, find solidarity, or try to tell the world we're here, we're ok, and we're people too. We haven't had people angry at the thought of us getting the same civil benefits such as being under the same insurance as our partners, getting tax breaks, or being able to make medical decisions for our partners were something to happen to them. We don't have stories like too many of my LGBT+ loved ones do. We haven't had to endure signs and protesters spewing hateful words.

I realize many people - especially of certain religious backgrounds - have a hard time with this, I too have struggled mightily over what to make of those passages in the bible about same-gendered sexual relationships. I am well aware of them and have not ignored what they say. But I also cannot ignore those passages that desire justice and fair treatment. I can't skip the part about treating others as I would like to be treated, nor can I miss the countless passages that have judged me unworthy. Therefore, whatever theological struggles I still have I have not struggled with this: no one deserves to be so ill-treated, so degraded, or so denied as many LGBT+ folks have. It doesn't matter if you are opposed to it morally, or think it's a choice, or an abomination; a little obedience to Jesus (or if Christianity ain't your thing, just try a little empathy) should tell us that no person - much less community of persons - should undergo all that my brothers and sisters have.

I can't pretend I don't know and love and have been loved deeply by people who are gay or lesbians or transgender. I can't withhold a hug to them or want them to be in psychological turmoil. And I'm thrilled in the ways pride has helped them.

Everyone should know they are loved. Loved by God. Loved by family. Loved by others. Loved by their enemies even. If you think the whole movement is an enemy to you or God, love them anyway. After all, God demonstrated his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

So if it really is that hard to endure gay people holding hands in public or flashing a rainbow over their profile pic, suffer it a little. And don't demand your own month/parade/flag/whatever because of it. Rather rejoice that people - people we know and love - can feel safe enough to show their pride. Support those who have suffered for their pride. Understand why they get one and we don't. Don't contribute to the story of LGBT+ plight. That should be reason enough. We who are straight haven't faced the struggle. We don't understand therefore what it means to them. And it just seems petty when I see people complain about it or whine like a playground child "I want one too." Hope you never need one.

Maybe this changes nothing for anyone. But I'm not sure that means it didn't need saying. 

Always remember, goodness is stronger than evil. I know it.

To my LGBT+ friends. Happy Pride Month.