HIV: The Choice of Safety or Secrecy

I was in a conversation with fellow clergy today around the issue of re-opening. We realize that for most of our churches, we are still realistically some time away from being able to have in-person worship. As we discussed the myriad of dynamics at play here the conversation went to personal choice. Some of our members - indeed some of our pastors - are more vulnerable to serious even lethal outcomes from the Coronavirus. This led to how part of our future will also include personal choice. There will be a point where the government cannot blanket close so many institutions. That is a reality and in some ways a good one. We don't want to totally cripple our economy, close businesses for good, and leave people unemployed and impoverished (especially when so many are already in that boat). But when that happens it will leave the people whom safe-at-home most protected with a choice. And part of the message from those who want to re-open things are especially saying the choice should lie with the individual rather than be stripped from them by the government.

But the problem is there are all sorts of dynamics with that which don't make it as easy as saying it is just a choice. A person who chooses to stay home when the state allows them to go out will not qualify for the same benefits of economic security, making it harder to stay home. Some bosses, eager to get business flowing again, may not be so tolerant of those who choose to not come in or work from home, forcing a person to choose between their job and their life. These were some of the dynamics that ran through our conversation. But there is another one too that ran through mine, thanks to life in the AIDS community: some people will have to choose to either reveal things about themselves they don't want others knowing, or endanger themselves. 

Many people who are HIV+ have chosen to live in secrecy, not disclosing publically that diagnosis with others, sometimes even close family members. Even as someone who has been public since a young age about his status, I don't broadcast it as much as I once did, and I've had enough negative experiences to not blame a single person for wanting to avoid them entirely. Every time I tell someone I am afraid of experiencing another one, even though - God be praised - they are fewer and farther between. 

What this means is that as the world re-opens but the threat of Covid-19 continues, people with HIV (or other health conditions they don't want others to know about) will be asked to make a choice between safety and secrecy. 

Either you will rejoin the world to keep your secret, knowing that as an immuno-compromised person it may cost you your life or you stay home and become subject to the questions of why you are not going back to work, why you can't go to Bible study, what would make you think you need to keep distancing and isolating more than the rest. This is especially true for younger demographics since the statistics are otherwise so overwhelmingly in their favor in regards to the impact of Covid-19. Along with their peers who question why they don't share their "it's no big deal" attitude are elders who may look to them to essentially build up the herd immunity.

We might also note that some HIV+ people are also closeted members of the LGBT+ community, and the strong association many hold between HIV and homosexuality will no doubt raise questions that may put other secrets in jeopardy as well. Like Michael Scott unintentionally outing his accountant Oscar in The Office I shutter to think that we might do the same.

I have no solution to this dilemma, since as I said before we cannot remain closed forever. I merely bring it forward to raise awareness to something perhaps you haven't had to think about among the many things we are thinking about when it comes to re-opening our states. And to those who identify with this, whether directly or indirectly, so you know someone else is thinking about your worry and fear. May God truly be with you in whatever path you take.

As an HIV+ person I always had an affinity for the X-Men. Many from outcast groups or groups that have experienced hate and prejudice do. I remember  where there was genuine fear over mutants in society and a desire to know who they were (the public felt they had a right to know who they were). The "Mutant Registration Act" was proposed. The secrecy that one held to themselves or their families - that they were a mutant - was threatened of being stripped away. For a lot of reasons that always resonated with me. And as this dilemma emerged in my head, the thoughts of that secrecy taken away again rises to the front of my mind. This time not in the form of government imposition, but, ironically enough, the opposite. When the government lifts its measures and we are more "free" to "choose", for some people the choice will be a different one. 

And a much more difficult one.